Our Adventures with CPS

Big Girl Monster and her friend at school:
Friend: My cat scratched me. Look.
BGM: My cat scratched me. See.

An innocent enough conversation. A throw away really. Except an observer, not affiliated with the school, but just there to watch the classroom in action, thought that BGM said, "My DAD scratched me." And proceeded to call DC child protective services without word or warning to the school or anyone.

They came out to the school, unannounced to investigate. They pulled BGM out of class and questioned her. She was totally freaked out. They asked her things like, "Do you get fed everyday?" and "Do you have clean clothes?"

When I picked her up from her carpool, she glibly asked, "Did CPS come to the house yet?"

"What?!!!!"

I called the school, furious, but they were as furious as I was that this woman had acted without telling anyone and that CPS had shown up and that BGM had to be pulled out of class.

They were supposed to do a home visit, but days went by. My anger subsided. When the kids were worried, I reassured them that if CPS came they would see 2 kids who were well taken care of in a good home and that there was nothing to worry about.

A week later DC CPS called and said the case was closed. We were relieved and went on with our lives.

Two weeks later, I got a letter from the county CPS. It said they'd tried to contact me and that if I didn't call them right away, police action would be taken. Wow. I called right away. As it turned out, the case was not closed but forwarded to the county office. They had my phone number one digit off, so they hadn't been able to reach me.

In order to ACTUALLY close the case, the caseworker would have to see the kids in person and since it was raining and soccer practice was cancelled, I decided to just drive down to the CPS office that evening to get it over with.

I packed the kids up in the car and off we went. Again, they were a bit freaked out, but I reassured them that all would be well. The woman was very nice and the interview was very brief. She asked if they were afraid to visit their Dad. They said no. She asked me if I was concerned that their Dad might have scratched BGM. I said no. (Of all of the complaints I may have about my X, worrying that he's going to scratch the kids is definitely not one of them).

Then she asked if they ever had disagreements with me, their Mom. Big Girl Monster, who was still really nervous, said, "Nope. Never."

Baby Monster was more hesitant, "Well. Sometimes..." he said.

"What happens when you disagree with your mom," the caseworker probed.

"Well, sometimes during my cello practice, she think I played something wrong, but I think I played it right... and we have to disagree about that."

At that point the caseworker sent us home.

And with that, I think, the case is really actually closed.

I'm sure the woman who called was just following her conscience. I'm not angry at her. But it's amazing how a little misunderstanding can have such high stakes and be so disruptive and stressful to other peoples' lives. I can't imagine calling CPS in that situation without first checking with the school or clarifying the situation or at least letting them know.

Anyway, in this case, all's well that ends well. Except now, every time I yell, Baby Monster says, "I'm going to call CPS on you!"